1. Witnessing a gecko crawl out of one's cluster of grapes really isn't as disturbing as it sounds.
2. The affordability of a full-body massage is still not enough to entice me to endure one.
3. A mall is a mall, is a mall. If you've seen one, then you've seen them all.
4. Sweating non-stop leads to dehydration
4b. When eating hard boiled eggs and pineapple for breakfast, always eat the hard boiled eggs first. Always.
4c. In Thailand, the Westerns genre on Netflix has absolutely nothing to do with John Wayne, Colt pistols, or Indians (sorry, Native Americans; my political correctness is wearing off)! The selection consists of Mean Girls 2, The Notebook, and the Mission Impossible series.
4d. In Thailand, if you're looking for someone, just check to see if their shoes are on the porch.
5. Kids are kids, teenage girls are teenage girls, and men are men, but never, ever underestimate little old ladies. Just when you think you've got them figured out, they'll switch it up on you.
6. The resolve one has to never eat anything with more than four legs or that lives underneath a tree stump is actually a force more powerful than gravity, and increases as the proximity between said comestibles and said resolved individual decreases.
6b. Peanut Butter is a glorious thing! Especially when you can't find a jar of it anywhere, unless you fancy Jiffy at $12 a pop, FULLY hydrogenated canola oil included.
7. Lines for the ladies restroom are a constant and universal phenomenon. I wonder if men ever experience that Frodo-at-the-end-of-Lord-of-the-Rings-type elation of having come through something truly epic as they wash their hands and go on with whatever is left of their day? Somehow, I doubt it.
8. No nation of individuals is any friendlier or happier than any other nation of individuals. I don't care what anyone says.
9. A cockroach half the size of my fist is more revolting than, well, almost anything. Especially when it's in your kitchen sink, and you can't drown it by tossing spoonfuls of water at it from a distance, because there is no way you are getting any closer to that thing, because you have no idea whether that thing can fly or how far it can jump, but you have the sneaking suspicion that it's far, because how did it get up there in the first place? In an effort to control my hysteria, I even attempted to recall the endearing relationship Wall-E had with his cockroach, but then all that came to mind was how Wall-E's cockroach had survived post-apocalyptic conditions, not to mention being crushed countless times beneath his own wheels...and so now I am inside and I will not go back outside until that thing has written me an official letter notifying me of its exact departure date. And a formal apology would be nice, too. Delivered impersonally by a letter carrier. When it's daylight.
9b. I have done a lot of considering about mattresses of late, particularly in regards to the disconnect there exists where supply and demand are concerned. For instance: nations sporting populations with the greatest amount of natural insulation per capita demand and are therefore supplied with the softest mattresses; whereas nations whose population is in possession of the least amount of natural insulation don't seem to demand much of anything in terms of sleeping equipment. In Thailand, mattresses are basically elevated, slightly bouncier versions of the ground. I'm not complaining or anything, but unless one periodically rotates oneself, one finds that significant portions of oneself go numb.
9c. Sidewalks are wonderful things! You never really appreciate something until it completely disappears and you find yourself out in the middle of the road or in a ditch somewhere.
10. Bicycles are the healthiest form of air conditioning invented by man.
11. Realizing that there is a very good reason why the American version of Thai food tastes the way it does (and, subsequently maintains its populatiry). There is also a reason why I will more than likely never eat either again. Sometimes, the real deal just isn't better.
12. In America, I am poor. In Thailand, I'm just cheap. "What? Thirty baht for a dozen eggs, you've got to be kidding me!" (30 baht is a little less than a dollar and, yes, I've actually had this reaction). How do I even afford to live in America?!?
13. I love fruit! Papayas, mangos, watermelon, tiny, crunchy pineapple things, three different kinds of bananas, rose apples, guavas, limes! The apples aren't the best, but I discovered today that it is possible to inhale a mango, and so who needs apples?
14. There are good things (endless supplies of fruit) and bad things (cockroaches, widespread poverty) everywhere. There is nothing wrong with noticing either, but to deny the existence of either is unjust, ignorant, and a personal disservice.
15. 7-Eleven. That's all I have to say really. I've seen almost as many of them as I've seen spirit houses. So if you like 7-eleven, I'd highly recommend Thailand, but don't expect to find any Red Bull! There simply aren't any. The Thais derive their energy from rice, stir fry vegetables, and various parts of a pig's anatomy not even it knew it had, and...that stuff...alone.
16. Taking my shoes off to enter a restaurant or store is not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be...no, I'm lying, it's totally uncomfortable. I mean, how many other bare feet have trod inside this place, where have they been, when's the last time they were washed? It's simply not kosher, man!
17. Seeing clouds in a foreign land is an extremely comforting thing. The birds sound different, the people sound different, even the side of the moon you're accustomed to seeing has its back to you. But clouds, when they do appear, are very welcoming. I saw my first cloud today!
18. Australians are loud. And this is coming from an unruly American.
19. Pizza is my comfort food. Yeah, yeah, I could list something healthy, but you'd all know I was lying. We're some natural disaster to occur that resulted in the annihilation all other food except for pizza, I would be perfectly content. I will eat it in a box, with a fox, whatever.
20. I manage to stress myself out in such clever ways, even I am impressed!
21. Playing Mario Karts as a kid has sufficiently prepared me for driving in Thailand. Everything I ever needed to know about survival, whether I am the operator or passenger, whether the mode of transportation be taxi, SUV, tuk-tuk, motorbike, bus, or bicycle (just so long as I am not a pedestrian) I learned from Mario Brothers. Except for the turtle shell things, it's pretty much the same thing.
22. The number of times a car horn is honked is directly proportional to the number of times you didn't almost die whilst operating a vehicle. I have witnessed and personally experienced the very real, and yet surprisingly underwhelming sensation of being taken out by a moving vehicle multiple times this trip, but nary a horn have I heard. I guess it just goes to demonstrate the Thai philosophy of "You drive like a maniac, I drive like a maniac, we all get home in one piece and nobody has to say a word about it."
23. The truth never changes. It is absolute, immutable, and universally applicable. It differs from deceit which, while it is always the opposite of truth, takes on a variety of sickly pallors, shapes, and sizes. The truth always looks the same and says the same thing, but lies are constant only in that they always contradict the truth. There are so many ways to contradict the truth, but only one way to be truthful. There are so many lies everywhere and we cannot know they are lies by studying them. We can only know what lies are by studying the truth.
2. The affordability of a full-body massage is still not enough to entice me to endure one.
3. A mall is a mall, is a mall. If you've seen one, then you've seen them all.
4. Sweating non-stop leads to dehydration
4b. When eating hard boiled eggs and pineapple for breakfast, always eat the hard boiled eggs first. Always.
4c. In Thailand, the Westerns genre on Netflix has absolutely nothing to do with John Wayne, Colt pistols, or Indians (sorry, Native Americans; my political correctness is wearing off)! The selection consists of Mean Girls 2, The Notebook, and the Mission Impossible series.
4d. In Thailand, if you're looking for someone, just check to see if their shoes are on the porch.
5. Kids are kids, teenage girls are teenage girls, and men are men, but never, ever underestimate little old ladies. Just when you think you've got them figured out, they'll switch it up on you.
6. The resolve one has to never eat anything with more than four legs or that lives underneath a tree stump is actually a force more powerful than gravity, and increases as the proximity between said comestibles and said resolved individual decreases.
6b. Peanut Butter is a glorious thing! Especially when you can't find a jar of it anywhere, unless you fancy Jiffy at $12 a pop, FULLY hydrogenated canola oil included.
7. Lines for the ladies restroom are a constant and universal phenomenon. I wonder if men ever experience that Frodo-at-the-end-of-Lord-of-the-Rings-type elation of having come through something truly epic as they wash their hands and go on with whatever is left of their day? Somehow, I doubt it.
8. No nation of individuals is any friendlier or happier than any other nation of individuals. I don't care what anyone says.
9. A cockroach half the size of my fist is more revolting than, well, almost anything. Especially when it's in your kitchen sink, and you can't drown it by tossing spoonfuls of water at it from a distance, because there is no way you are getting any closer to that thing, because you have no idea whether that thing can fly or how far it can jump, but you have the sneaking suspicion that it's far, because how did it get up there in the first place? In an effort to control my hysteria, I even attempted to recall the endearing relationship Wall-E had with his cockroach, but then all that came to mind was how Wall-E's cockroach had survived post-apocalyptic conditions, not to mention being crushed countless times beneath his own wheels...and so now I am inside and I will not go back outside until that thing has written me an official letter notifying me of its exact departure date. And a formal apology would be nice, too. Delivered impersonally by a letter carrier. When it's daylight.
9b. I have done a lot of considering about mattresses of late, particularly in regards to the disconnect there exists where supply and demand are concerned. For instance: nations sporting populations with the greatest amount of natural insulation per capita demand and are therefore supplied with the softest mattresses; whereas nations whose population is in possession of the least amount of natural insulation don't seem to demand much of anything in terms of sleeping equipment. In Thailand, mattresses are basically elevated, slightly bouncier versions of the ground. I'm not complaining or anything, but unless one periodically rotates oneself, one finds that significant portions of oneself go numb.
9c. Sidewalks are wonderful things! You never really appreciate something until it completely disappears and you find yourself out in the middle of the road or in a ditch somewhere.
10. Bicycles are the healthiest form of air conditioning invented by man.
11. Realizing that there is a very good reason why the American version of Thai food tastes the way it does (and, subsequently maintains its populatiry). There is also a reason why I will more than likely never eat either again. Sometimes, the real deal just isn't better.
12. In America, I am poor. In Thailand, I'm just cheap. "What? Thirty baht for a dozen eggs, you've got to be kidding me!" (30 baht is a little less than a dollar and, yes, I've actually had this reaction). How do I even afford to live in America?!?
13. I love fruit! Papayas, mangos, watermelon, tiny, crunchy pineapple things, three different kinds of bananas, rose apples, guavas, limes! The apples aren't the best, but I discovered today that it is possible to inhale a mango, and so who needs apples?
14. There are good things (endless supplies of fruit) and bad things (cockroaches, widespread poverty) everywhere. There is nothing wrong with noticing either, but to deny the existence of either is unjust, ignorant, and a personal disservice.
15. 7-Eleven. That's all I have to say really. I've seen almost as many of them as I've seen spirit houses. So if you like 7-eleven, I'd highly recommend Thailand, but don't expect to find any Red Bull! There simply aren't any. The Thais derive their energy from rice, stir fry vegetables, and various parts of a pig's anatomy not even it knew it had, and...that stuff...alone.
16. Taking my shoes off to enter a restaurant or store is not as uncomfortable as I thought it would be...no, I'm lying, it's totally uncomfortable. I mean, how many other bare feet have trod inside this place, where have they been, when's the last time they were washed? It's simply not kosher, man!
17. Seeing clouds in a foreign land is an extremely comforting thing. The birds sound different, the people sound different, even the side of the moon you're accustomed to seeing has its back to you. But clouds, when they do appear, are very welcoming. I saw my first cloud today!
18. Australians are loud. And this is coming from an unruly American.
19. Pizza is my comfort food. Yeah, yeah, I could list something healthy, but you'd all know I was lying. We're some natural disaster to occur that resulted in the annihilation all other food except for pizza, I would be perfectly content. I will eat it in a box, with a fox, whatever.
20. I manage to stress myself out in such clever ways, even I am impressed!
21. Playing Mario Karts as a kid has sufficiently prepared me for driving in Thailand. Everything I ever needed to know about survival, whether I am the operator or passenger, whether the mode of transportation be taxi, SUV, tuk-tuk, motorbike, bus, or bicycle (just so long as I am not a pedestrian) I learned from Mario Brothers. Except for the turtle shell things, it's pretty much the same thing.
22. The number of times a car horn is honked is directly proportional to the number of times you didn't almost die whilst operating a vehicle. I have witnessed and personally experienced the very real, and yet surprisingly underwhelming sensation of being taken out by a moving vehicle multiple times this trip, but nary a horn have I heard. I guess it just goes to demonstrate the Thai philosophy of "You drive like a maniac, I drive like a maniac, we all get home in one piece and nobody has to say a word about it."
23. The truth never changes. It is absolute, immutable, and universally applicable. It differs from deceit which, while it is always the opposite of truth, takes on a variety of sickly pallors, shapes, and sizes. The truth always looks the same and says the same thing, but lies are constant only in that they always contradict the truth. There are so many ways to contradict the truth, but only one way to be truthful. There are so many lies everywhere and we cannot know they are lies by studying them. We can only know what lies are by studying the truth.
